How I Would Get Down from the Vegas Sphere

The artist/climber known as Pro-Life Spiderman is back at his Super Bowl Week shenanigans. If you remember, last year this guy made news headlines when he scaled Phoenix's Chase Tower ahead of Super Bowl LVII and this year he's scaled the 8th Wonder of the World, the Vegas Sphere. But this time, he didn't have a plan and was stuck up there for a few hours until he got access to a hatch in the roof, which isn't a very thrilling descent for such an exhilarating climb.

I was thinking about it and came up with a few ways that would've been way cooler and way more entertaining to get down from the sphere.

Little League World Series Style

Every August thousands flock to the small city of Williamsport to watch the world's best 12 year olds square off on the baseball diamond. More often than not, these are just the towns that had the most middle schoolers grow mustaches before their neighboring districts and baseball talent isn't of the highest display. However one of the many fun traditions is cardboard sledding down the hill next to Howard Lamade Stadium. 

ESPN does a feature on the sleds every year and usually sends a former athlete down the hill on an old refrigerator box while their insurance supplier hope he doesn't end up like Dodgers announcer David Vassegh who broke his wrist sliding down the Brewers' centerfield playground attraction. Pro-Life Spiderman would probably have to double fold the cardboard to avoid friction burning a hole through his sled but that would've been a great ride down the facade of the Sphere.


Penguin Belly Style

There are two animals that come to mind when I think of tummy transportation, seals and penguins. Flopping up and down over and over again on your sternum like a seal or an uncoordinated kindergartner doing the worm would be a brutal way to get down the rounded edge of the Vegas Sphere. But if you stocked a little cooler of ice on your back and packed a $30 Amazon penguin onesie, imagine the fun you'd have sliding down the side of the Sphere on your stomach. 

Heelys

I don't even think this one needs explanation. Hands down the most badass way for Pro-Life Spiderman to have come down from the Vegas Sphere would've been to pop some wheels into his heels and backheel tailslide grind his way down the entire 366 feet facing of the sphere like he's setting a new high school in Tony Hawk American Wasteland while "Holiday" by Green Day blares in the background. That would've gotten my respect and more importantly I think Ryan Sheckler would've finally come out of retirement to try and one-up Anti-Planned-Parenthood-Peter-Parker.