Former Harlem Globetrotter Henry Kissinger Dead at 100

 Henry Kissinger is a name I've heard at least a thousand times in my life but until yesterday I really didn't know who he was other than a figure from 1970's politics. So when I got a notification on my phone that he died, naturally I hit up Wikipedia. Not gonna lie they kinda had me in the first half, I wasn't sure why everyone hated him so much, then I got to the bad stuff. Let's dig.

I'm not going to give this guy glory but there's a little bit of credit due when a guy lives to be 100 years old especially when you look at the first 20 or so years of his life.

Kissinger was born into a Jewish family in Germany in 1923 so at 15 years old he and his family left for America. Fast forward another 5 years and Hank is drafted into the Army to go fight the same guys that just forced his family to leave their home. Redemption arc. He goes to Europe and fights the nazis at the Battle of the Bulge. Last month I watched Band of Brothers for the first time, most of the boys never made it back from Bastogne physically or mentally. Even as a private Kissinger proved valuable to his commanding officers with his ability to speak German so all told he was a pretty damn good American soldier.

Fast forward another 10 years and Kissinger has earned his bachelors, masters, and doctorate from Harvard. I'm sitting here reading his wikipedia page wearing a Harvard Business School sweatshirt, I didn't go there, but you have to understand how I'm starting to feel about this guy with no prior background knowledge. So far I know Hank Kissinger as an intellect who fled from nazis and then went and shoved it right back in their fuckin faces at the Bulge.

The subheader that followed "Academic career" was "Foreign Policy." This is where he lost me. I've never claimed to be into politics mostly because I don't understand them all too well but sheeeeeesh. From what my research told me (skimmed the paragraphs), Kissinger was boys with Pol Pot and he kissed Richard Nixon at least once. With an allegiance to Nixon-Pot I thought he would've also worked under Reagan's administration but no.

1973 this guy wins the Nobel PEACE Prize for negotiating a ceasefire to a conflict that he perpetuated himself. The early 70's must've had the absolute worst people because there was no winner of the award in 1972 and the next year they rewarded a potty-trained toddler for cleaning up its own puddle of pee on the kitchen floor. The only worse award that comes to mind is the 1950 National League MVP when Jim Konstanty, a Phillies reliever, beat out Stan Musial and Ralph Kiner for the award with this season stat line:

Hey, I don't think Kissinger deserved the same award given to Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, and the Dalai Lama but something inside of me gives the tiniest bit of credit to him for creating such a terrible mess that ending it was so highly praised.

"Awards, honors, and associations" subheader, third bullet, Wikipedia did it. They got me to do a full 360 on Kissinger by the end of the page. It says, "In 1976 Kissinger became the first honorary member of the Harlem Globetrotters." COME ON. MSNBC is going to tell you about all the genocide, and the bombings, and the blatant disregard for the Geneva Convention, but they're not going to mention that he was the Jewish Jackie Robinson of Street Ball. Your buddy from middle school who was First Team All-JJBL might end up becoming an executive for an NBA team, but Kissinger WAS a Harlem Globetrotter. And how about the interview, describes himself as a scrappy coach's son-type on the court then concludes it with being nervous about how his pasty knees will look next to 6'7" Adonises. Relatable as all hell.

I know I don't actually like this guy but his Wiki had me feeling like Shane Gillis at Mount Vernon. It's like, yeah this guy did commit horrible atrocities, but dude, he was on the Globetrotters. Rest in Nobel Peace