Top 25 of the Last 25 - Part 3, Top 5

Part 1 of my Top 25 of the Last 25 can be found here. And Part 2 here.

The Top 5...

5. The Thrill Wiz Khalifa / The Spins Mac Miller

You can't have Bert without Ernie. You can't inspire radical change without usurping those in power. And you can't listen to The Thrill by Wiz Khalifa without listening to The Spins by Mac Miller. They all just fit hand in hand.

Pittsburgh's proudest productions Mac and Wiz hit the scene around the same time with Mr. Khalifa dropping This Plane in 2009 and Mr. Miller dropping KIDS in 2010, both released by the formerly Steel City-based Rostrum Records. These guys played the anthems. The songs that you and your boys would listen to on the way to a kegger in the woods. Songs to listen to in the car at Makeout Point with your sweetest gal. Songs you rolled your first reggie to. Songs that defined a generation of boardwalk pinnies and flatbrims.

The number 5 spot on this list could've gone to just Mac or even just Wiz but it'd be an injustice along the levels of a Geneva convention violation if I failed to mention both. The way these two songs complimented each other with baseline music provided by Empire of the Sun, That's The Stuff, Man.

4. Learning Alliteration

Until this point in my Top 25 list, I've used roughly 20 different derivatives of alliteration (21). I learned about alliterations from my second grade teacher Ms. Menno in the spring of 2005. Alliterations and similes and metaphors allow anyone to cosplay Hemingway or Faulkner and illustrate imagery through prose a la da Vinci with oils and canvas.

Alliterations slide off the tongue like an oiled-up octopus operating its way through an oyster-occupied obstacle course and they've aided me in my career many times over. I adore alliterations and I hope you do too.

3. Winning the 2013 Inter-Ac Basketball Championship

I was bound to get overly sentimental about at least one of 25 things over the course of the last 25 years, and thinking about my senior year high school basketball season truly makes me happier than thinking about most anything else.

I'll save a lot of the details because there are just so many, but I will share a few.

My papa was a coach for the Germantown Academy boys basketball team for pretty much my entire life up until he hung up the New Balances a few years back. When winter struck Elkins Park in my elementary years, there was only so much to look forward to when pulling into the driveway of ole Saint James. The soft pretzels got staler with a lack of humidity in the air, the chocolate milk cartons had to thaw before consumption, and paper football matches on a field of desktops were played instead of two-hand touch on the blacktop.

But I could always look forward to pulling open GA's double doors and walking into a lobby pervaded by the smog of chlorine and waxed hardwood. I was the sidecar attached to a Marty Harley until we entered those doors. I would become entranced by the echoes of dribbles, the squeaks of sneakers that might've been worn by church mice, and the auditory euphoria of a net's swish. I'd be guided by invisible hand to whatever corner of the gym wasn't being used during practice to work on my own moves so that I, too, could have a star next to my name on the Captain's Board, meaning I had won an Inter-Ac Championship.

Fast forward to a 6'2ish athletically-husky guy who was way way WAY too slow to play guard, and not tall enough to make up for his 17 inch vertical in order to provide real minutes in the post. That's when you accept the title "Glue Guy."

The dream was always to be a 1000 point scorer, join the likes of Cam & Ryan Ayers, Matt Walsh, Devon Goodman. Be The Guy on The Team in southeastern PA. I would've probably had to have taken over 2000 shots to score 1000 points. In a gym by myself.

GA's basketball team had 9 seniors during the 2012-13 season, four of which played college basketball - three that received D1 scholarships and one that was Washington College's finest and handsomest guard in the class of 2017. They won the Inter-Ac league title and the PA state championship.

GA's basketball team had 1 senior during the 2013-14 season. YA BOiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!

The expectation was that the Haverford School would just roll through the league, 10-0, unchallenged like a dump truck taking on a fiat. Fair enough, they had two future NBA players in Cam Reddish and Lamar Stevens with Shizz Alston, Temple's best player of the last decade, running point. They weren't just the best team in our league, they were nationally ranked. Here, take the crown, Fords.

Meant to spare some details so I will, but basically the Main Line Takeover Project was really started when our squad went to D.C. and spent the entire trip together. I had been around the program a long time and everyone always broke off into smaller groups on those trips, but on this one the whole team did everything and went everywhere as a full unit. We went to lunch, sat at the same big ass table in Union Station, then wandered into an FYE and pooled together $120 to buy a discounted Tower speaker to take back on the bus. By no means was there a conscience effort made to keep everyone together, we all just kind of, I don't know, liked each other.

And you can read this and think "yeah the author has fond memories, no way they did that much shit together." We had all 12 players show up and "help" ask 12 different girls to dances as dates in 12 different ways. Graaaaviityyy, is woooooorkinn against me.

Ironically, anti-gravity may have won us the 'chip. Timmy Guers, in the corner, in Haverford's home gym, tosses a fader that defies at least one of Newton's laws, banks off the very tippy top corner of the backboard, and falls for three points. We win the league. We all get a star on the board.

I'll forever have the deepest love for each one of those teammates and I'll never forget that they helped me fulfill a dream seemingly deferred.

Shout out to Coach Weiss, Coach Fenerty, Coach Hannigan, Coach Gallman, Gabe Alter, Eathyn Edwards (aka Squeezy, aka Frozone, aka Mistuh Hop Step), Devon "Boo-Boo" Goodman, Timmy Guers, Sammy Lindgren, Evan-Eric Longino, Kyle McCloskey, Matt Perricone, Joe Stinson, Cole Storm, Bailey Whitman, and Bobby Taggart. We in heeeeeerrrreee TURN UP TURN UP where's the-where's thheee

2. 2005 NCAA National Championships

The legendary Texas-USC Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush Rose Bowl technically occurred in the calendar-year 2006, but it capped off the 2005 NCAA Football season and I make the rules.

Anyone my age that loves sports was likely upping their obsession around this time. Going on 10 years old and thinking that athletes were greater than the Greek gods. Modern-day Adonises by the hundredfold playing a new game to get excited about every night.

Texas vs. Southern Cal and Illinois vs. UNC were two of the greatest games in their respective league histories and they happened just a few months apart.

Vince Young sidearming his way through the SoCal secondary. Leinhart, Bush, LenDale White, and Dwayne Jarrett answering every Longhorn jab with a Trojan uppercut until Vinny just proved too much for the Cardinal and Gold. A 41-38 battle of attrition featuring several future Sunday stars, this game had all you could've asked for as a boy reveling in the allure of athletic achievement.

Raymond Felton, Deron Williams, Sean May, Dee Brown, Rashad McCants, Luther Head, Marvin Williams. Three high school Mr. Basketball awards, six college All-Americans, six first round draft picks and one second-rounder.

Illinois came into the game 37-1 and #1 in the nation, UNC 32-4 and ranked #2. The Tar Heels pretty much controlled the entire game but the hype around it was so phenomenal. It was the best two teams in the country, three of the five best players in the country, and a rising-in-the-ranks coach in Bruce Weber vs. Roy Williams who was sick of being the bridesmaid. 
These games were two of the few times we got to play out the hypothetical "What if the best two teams in the league/country just played for the championship?" Underdog stories and parity are great and touching and engaging, but sometimes there are two teams that are definitively better than every other team and just deserve to square off for all the marbles. We got that not once, but twice in the 2005 college seasons.

1. NBA Live 05 Slam Dunk Contest

Yeah there's a bit of a theme here but life was so much better at 10 years old than it is at almost 30. Mainly because there were little to no (short-term) consequences from sitting in my basement for seven hours on end trying to figure out the perfect timing for Jason Richardson to throw the basketball off a side jumbo tron, do a cartwheel, jump from the free throw line, and then catch the ball mid-air for a between the legs 180 slam. Ha, you thought that was a lot?

Basketball on the ground, rainbow-flip-soccer-move it over your head, catch and immediately toss off the 8 square inch camera face that's suspended 75 feet in the air, hand spring, play patty cake with Dr. J, jump from a step inside the foul line (no bunnies), cover your eyes with the inside of your left elbow, catch the ball BLINDLY, then dunk and hang from the rim by your right elbow.

Alright the second one got away from me but you could do all sort of neat, super unrealistic tricks with the players in this game. It skewed my perception of the real dunk contest for a little bit but so what, the Slam Dunk Contest mode in NBA Live 05 was hands-down, unquestionably, indisputably, 100%, without a shadow of doubt in my mind, the very best anything of the last 25 years.

Top 25 of the Last 25 - Part 2, #6-15

Part 1 of my Top 25 of the Last 25 can be found here.

Here's part 2, #6-15

15. Rubber Ducky Ride Record at Sesame Place

The legendary Rubber Ducky sat atop the Sky Splash attraction at Sesame Place like King Kong hanging from the lightning rod of the Empire State Building. The grandiose yellow squeaker could be seen while driving on Route 1 from as far south as Feasterville-Trevose, as far north as Yardley, and even from parts of the Trenton riverfront. The colossal canary-colored Cayuga cousin was a staple at Sesame Place for almost 30 years, taking over his throne in 1995 before a coup led to demise and deposition in March 2023.

So yes, the Rubber Ducky was implemented earlier than 25 years ago. But this listing is not just the Rubber Ducky, it's not even just the ride. It's the damned ride record.

During the summers of my youth, one of my 40+ cousins worked at Sesame Place and would get us discounts. My sister, five more of my cousins, and I would load up into soccer mom mini vans and head up the Boulevard to Langhorne. Sky Splash was the best ride there and really the only one that captivated the attention of any boy over the age of 6, especially a hardened jock.

In the summer of 2006 we decided to take on a mission. Break the Sky Splash Record for Goes in One Day. We asked the attendants at the top what the record was, they said 14 (think they just made it up). By noon we had 6 Goes already, impressive when you consider the volume of park lines in the morning. By 3PM we had only added 2 more Goes but the park was opening up. It was nap time for 90% of the attendees. When the antelope sleep, the lions hunt.

By 5PM we were up to 13 MF Goes and pushing the record but the park was set to close soon. Run up the stairs, hop in a raft, flume down 6 stories of water slide, splash into the pool at the bottom. Rinse, repeat. We broke that record. We BLEW THROUGH that record and ended the day with 17 Goes on Sky Splash. Probably still in the books.

14. Original Twitter Meme Accounts

When Twitter was just kicking off it was a pretty ridiculous space. There was a lot less OnlyFans spam in the comments and a lot more slinging of unhinged thoughts that didn't feel appropriate for face-to-face interaction. There's a reason why dork liberal newspaper writers go directly to old tweets when trying to "cancel" a person who's new to the spotlight.

The original Twitter meme accounts embodied all that Twitter culture was meant to be at that time. I'm talking Phil Werrell and Barry McKockiner circa 2012-2014 before they became more annoying than hitting eight consecutive yellow lights heading home on Broad Street during rush hour. It was probably just the start of click farming and tweet aggregating but man did I have a chuckle every time I saw their tweets.
 

13. Pylon Cam

Pylon Cam is just really cool, super useful, and honestly kinda cute. Those little cameras are so small but so powerful, it's adorable. I'll just always remember being super impressed the first few times CBS or FOX cut to a Pylon Cam replay angle. "Whoooaaa how'd they fit a camera in one of those?!" Turns out it's not too difficult to figure out but that doesn't take away from their efficacy. Many a spread has hinged on the outcome of a Pylon Cam review but at the end of the day, the fan must accept fair fact of the matter and Pylon Cam provides that more often than not.

12. 2004-2008 High School Basketball Warm Up Playlists

I put onnnnnnnn, I put onnnnnnnnnn, I put ON for my city ON ON for my city
NA-NA-NA DIVA IS A FEMALE VERSION OF A HUSTLLAAAA
If you arrre what you sayy you areeee, a suuupah starrr

High school basketball warm up playlists were my personal introduction to rap and hip-hop music. They didn't play a whole lot of Jeezy on WIP or Radio Disney when I was riding in the car with my parents, so the gym provided me with melodic enlightenment.

Nobody's ever going to get pumped to play a basketball game by tossing on their Beats headphones and blaring Aly & AJ's Potential Breakup Song. Ever. But thanks to the example set by high schoolers, I would hop in the car before a 6th grade CYO game, plug my wired $15 Sony headset from CVS into my knockoff Zune MP3, scroll to my secret playlist, and blast Gucci Mane and T-Pain's clean iTunes edited ballads.

For the better part of the 2000's decade, you could walk into a Scholastic Play-by-Play Showcase run by Jeremy Treatman at any part of the day and hear an absolute banger flood a Philly-area Division 3 basketball gym, pouring out of speakers bought off the back of a truck in South Philly, only half audible with bass levels that you could feel in your pancreas. Different times. Simpler times.

11. Wilson Evolution Basketball

The Wilson Evolution Advanced Microfiber Composite 29.5" basketball is in a league of its own like Tom Hanks banning bawling in the batters box. There are several good basketballs, a few even fringe on great. The Rock C2C (Core2Cover) with Deep Pebble Channels, fringe great. Baden Perfection Elite Game Ball, very very good. But the Wilson Evolution has a higher elite-level status than Joe Flacco in the docks of Dundalk.

If you walked into a gym and saw they had a rack of Wilson Evolutions, it meant three things. Tonight is automatically a Big Game. We're playing at a rich school. And I'm about to absolutely savor every second of layup lines to caress this golden goose egg for as long as possible.

10. Surviving the End of the World, Twice

Y2K and the end of the Mayan calendar. Wow. Dodged a few bullets there guys. Some argue the Mayans just ran out of pages in their calendar notebook, I say we're all proud survivors of a narrowly avoided cosmic catastrophe.

9. Chris D'elia's Vines (pre-bad stuff)

Ahhh man we probably could've seen the Chris D'Elia stuff coming. Everyone points to the Workaholics episode when he played his seemingly real life persona. Tough look.

But the Vines! Ohhhh the Vines. "Excuse me sir, where the hell are you going?" *cuts to a man on a ladder wriggling half of his torso into the space a ceiling tile used to occupy* His Vines had me dying laughing in high school study hall while my GPA continued to hover around the mid-2's without any promise of improvement. Legendary stuff (the vines, NOT the grooming).

8. Custom Ringtones

Custom ringtones were mad GOATed but they were also like kiiinda annoying which keeps them out of the Top 5. You could buy them directly on your phone for like a buck 50 a pop and the sound quality would be a 5.6/10. Or you could fire up the iTunes preview of a song and hold your phone's mic directly up to your computer speakers and record the ringtone for free. And the quality was a 5.5/10 (really about a 1.2). 

If "Homecoming" by Kanye and Chris Martin played from my pocket, I knew I had a text incoming. If "a-ring-a-da-ding-ding-dee-dooo" played from my pocket, I knew I had a call incoming. And if "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah played from my pocket, I knew my mom was at the park to pick me up after school.

7. John Wall's High School Mixtape

There are arguments for Tavon Austin's highlights making this list in this spot. But I prefer basketball to football and I prefer crossovers & dunks to jukes & breakaway speed.

John Wall had it all. The handles were hypnotizing. The bunnies were bewildering. The court vision of a hawk hunting pigeon. Flashiness at the rims that could only be replicated by Xhibit. He blocked shots with more PSI than a hydraulic press. Every second of this mixtape is action-packed and makes you yell "OHHHHHHHHHHH"

6. NFL 2008 Week 17

Going into Week 17 of the 2008 NFL season, there was a lesser chance of the Eagles making the playoffs than Johnny Depp waking up before noon in an Ecuadorian rainforest bungalow. The Birds sat just outside of the playoff picture with an 8-6-1 record (thanks to Donovan McNabb not know about the NFL's tie rules) following a Week 16 loss to Washington.

They needed three things to happen. At 1:00 Matt Schaub and the 7-8 Texans had to beat the Brian Urlacher and the 9-6 Bears. Also at 1:00, JaMarcus Russell and the 5-10 Raiders had to beat the Jeff Garcia-led 9-6 Buccaneers. I remember hopelessly watching the Raiders on Dick's Sporting Goods' 100 inch projector screen near the golf section. They were down 24-14 with 11 minutes left following a Cadillac Williams touchdown.

Then, they took off. JaMarcus passing touchdown. Michael Bush 67 yard rushing touchdown. Sebastian Janikowski field goal. Raiders win 31-24. Wow. What about the Texans? Two first half touchdowns from Andre Johnson. Open up the 3rd quarter with a rushing TD from former Eagle Ryan Moats. Put the game away with Philly native Steve Slaton's rushing TD in the 4th quarter. Won by an identical score as the Raiders, 31-24.

Two legs down, the most important to go. 4:25 at the Linc. Birds vs. Cowgirls. Winner gets the NFC's 6 seed in the playoffs. Loser tees off in Cancun on Monday.

The Eagles take the opening kickoff and start out on offense. They cross the 50 into Dallas and look poised to at least kick a field goal. But then BWest36 surrendered his first lost fumble in over a year, giving the Cowgirls possession at their own 25.

A Dallas three-and-out gave possession back to the Birds who would cap off their second drive of the game with 3 points from franchise scoring leader David Akers. Toni Romo would follow up with a 3 point drive of his own and we'd go into the second quarter all knotted at treys.

Then. HAHAHA THEN. THEN THE EAGLES SCORED 44 UNANSWERED POINTS!!!!

59 yard dumpoff to Correll Buckhalter leads to a McNabb QB sneak TD. A 34 yard streak to DeSean leads to a Buckhalter TD catch. Sheldon Brown interception leads to a Brent Celek TD catch. Pacman Jones fumble on the ensuing kickoff leads to a halftime buzzer beating field goal. In the blink of an eye its 27-3 at the halfway point and the Birds are 30 minutes from marching on to the postseason.

Brian Dawkins strip sack, Chris Clemons 73 yard scoop and score. Brian Dawkins AGAIN, stripping Marion Barber, Joselio Hanson 96 yard scoop and score. A THIRD STRAIGHT FUMBLE led to the Eagles kicking another field goal and capping off their scoring for the day. 

With 29 seconds left in the first quarter, the score was 3-3. With 6:10 remaining on the clock in the third quarter (24 minutes, 19 seconds of gameplay later), the score was 44-3. Kyle Eckel even got 8 carries in this game.

I watched this game with my family at the old Willow Grove Mall T.G.I. Friday's. With every Cowgirls turnover, another full plate of Loaded Potato Skins would fly across the room coating the walls with bacon bits and sour cream droplets in a calamitous chaos reminiscent of a confetti-filled Super Bowl celebration.

Tune in tomorrow for the Top 5

Top 25 of the Last 25 - Part 1, #16-25

 Well we're done with the first quarter of this century. If this was the Daytona 500, we'd be approaching Lap 126. If we were in a football game, the Eagles wouldn't have any points yet. If this century was a Kit-Kat bar, we'd still have three delicious chocolate-covered wafer cookies remaining (unless you bite directly into them and in that case please see this link).

That said, you're gonna see a lot of Buzzfeed-style lists over the next few weeks. And 95% of them are gonna be corny and lame, 4.9% of them will be nostalgic, and 0.1% will be entirely subjective and slightly personal but fully accurate. That 0.1% will be this list.

The Top 25 Movies of the Last 25 Years is corny. The Top 25 Cheeses I've Tasted in the Last 25 Years is lame (1. Seaside English Cheddar 2. Marin French Triple Créme Brie, etc.).

So why not just the Top 25 of the Last 25. People? Yeah. Things? Sure. Experiences? You bet. Knick knacks and tchotchkes? Well maybe, just maybe.

25. Tadahito Iguchi

Chase Utley started the 2007 season hotter than a shetland sheepdog in the Gobi desert. In the first 100 games of that year, he hit .336 with 41 doubles and was voted to his second straight All-Star Game. Then on July 26th, Utley was hit with a pitch that broke a bone in his hand, seemingly ending his potential MVP campaign while prolonging the Phillies' postseason drought.

In steps Tadahito Iguchi the very next day. Acquired from the White Sox in exchange for Michael Dubee, the son of at-the-time pitching coach Rich Dubee, Iguchi was able to fill the void left by Utley in beyond formidable fashion. Across 45 games, Taddy hit .304 for the Phils without making a single error and played a pivotal role in the Fightin's overtaking of the Mets for a miracle NL East divisional crown.

So Cheers to Tadahito Iguchi for far exceeding all expectations and being a key cog in the machine that took the Phils back to playoff prominence.

24. Dorian Thompson-Robinson

Dorian Thompson-Robinson, or DTR as his friends know him, is objectively a very, very bad NFL quarterback. At the moment.

I've never seen a quarterback with a higher ceiling than DTR and the coach that unlocks his superpowers will reap nothing but fruits from his labor.

DTR was my favorite college player to watch. Some days he was better than '05 Vince Young, some days he was worse than '17 Nathan Peterman. Ya just never knew until you flipped on the UCLA game. From 2018-2022 DTR threw for over 10k yards and ran for another 1800. He accounted for 116 rushing + passing touchdowns, but, most importantly, he won the first two annual Weisman Award Trophies, my very personal and subjective college football MVP.

23. Sheldon Brown's Tackle on Reggie Bush

Here comes the BOOM here comes the BOOM the Saints don't really want it noooowww

Man, the amount of times my buddies and I tried to replicate this hit when we were 12 year olds. We're lucky that none of us had to get stretchered out of the basement.

I remember exactly where I was when this hit happened. Devin McMearty's birthday party, sitting on their living room couch, seat closest to the left arm rest. And boy did we go wild. Sheldon Brown, setting the tone right off the bat baby.

This hit (yes I linked it five times) still gets played in highlight reels and I'm flooded with nostalgia every time I see it. Get wrecked Reggie Kardashian.

22. The Snackstand at Cheltenham Athletic Association circa 2002-07

My Little League's cheese fries were better than your Little League's. Plain and simple. Crinkle cut, perfectly fried and salted. Cheese whiz pre-warmed and flowing like the Nile during wet season.

My Little League's chicken fingers were better than your Little League's. Plain and simple. High quality poultry, breaded with enough crisp to build some texture but not too much to out-ratio the meat. Served with a side of the finest Ken's Steakhouse Honey Mustard packet.

Somehow my Little League's pizza rolls were even better than your Little League's. They came out with an internal temp comparable only to Mount Vesuvius, but they were better than all the pizza rolls I've ever had before. Even if you were like Billy Romano and drowned them in cracked pepper, still the best.

21. When Vladimir Guerrero's Translator Got Me and My Friends An Autograph

June 21, 2008 - FDR Park in South Philadelphia.

My dad got a call one morning from the president of our Little League asking if couple friends and I would wanna go down to FDR Park to be in a Powerade commercial shoot (it was a brutally bad commercial). Uhh yeah! Ryan Howard and Vlad Guerrero are gonna be there?? Hell yeah!

Next thing my dad and I did was hop in the car, head over to the Modell's in Cedarbrook Plaza, and purchase a brand spankin' new Ryan Howard #6 Sunday alternate cream Phillies jersey. A little big so I could have it for a few years. Of course my plan was to get it signed.

The big day comes, I head on down to FDR with my buddies Huey, Anthony, and David, and we watch Vladdy and Ryno smash long balls into the deepest depths of the driving range. Then shooting concluded and we wanted some ink. That's when we'd come to learn that Mr. Howard had contingencies in his agency's contract that stipulated he could only sign autographs for "charity events" or if he was financially compensated. Douchebag.

Vladdy went back into his dressing room and sent his translator back out into the clubhouse lobby to take the baseballs my buddies and I were holding. Mr. Guerrero's translator emerged with three freshly signed baseballs by the one and only Vladimir Guerrero Sr.

What's more? Vlad went out and hammered two homers into left field of Citizens Bank Park that night, clearly getting a nice warm up at the commercial shoot. I ended up exchanging that Ryan Howard jersey for a Chase Utley one. Howard's "fine" by me now, but I was also as tall as him when I was in 7th grade so his roster heights are all a lie, a sham, a bamboozle.
 

20. The Obama/McCain Election

Idk, felt like this one was just evenly fought. Nothin' but a little friendly competition. No slander, no libel, no felonies, no Russian bots. I was also 13 and couldn't vote so I didn't get any texts claiming that one of the candidates committed some far-fetched atrocity.

19. My 2018 Summer Baseball Season with the Northampton Orioles

Was I a bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, freshly-graduated-from-college kid playing baseball against 35 year old plumbers and pipe-fitters all summer? Sure. But Babe Ruth played against cobblers and blacksmiths and he's still revered by baseball writers globally.

No matter how you twist it, 20 scoreless innings is damn impressive. 15 baserunners in 20 innings, damn impressive. I'm not gonna act humble about this one, for that summer I was a straight-up buzzsaw and I made blue-collar union workers swing at sliders in the other batters box like they were toddlers with butterfly nets in a field of wasp nets. That was fun.

18. Wii Sports

Wii Sports was soooo sick. It wasn't really the best video game but it was the most communal. Everyone could play without having to learn different button combinations and cheat codes like the Fortnite youth of today. Your whole family could spend an evening around the living room TV playing bowling and baseball because all your parents had to day was wave the wand at the right time.

Making Mii's was also great. It was always a guessing game who would pop up in the nine hole of your batting order. Would it be your buddy who came over and made his Mii last week or would it be your rendition of Chuck Norris and Sylvester Stallone's hypothetical lovechild?

17. When Pop Fell on the SEPTA Subway

This was the hardest I've laughed in the last 25 years. Nick Pop, Phil, my sister, her friends, and I went down to tailgate an Eagles game then headed back to Center City on the ole subway.

We break out into a little song, the Cha Cha Slide (Casper Slide Part 2). We get to the line "Reverse, Reverse" which Pop hits in the train aisle almost seamlessly. Almost. As he's hitting the second 'reverse,' the train accelerates. Freshman physics taught me about how objects work in relative motion and I don't need to explain all that to you, but when a person is mid-air, they don't accelerate with the rate of the object surrounding them.

So my guy hit the ground and then next thing to hit was the entirety of his back flat against the door that separates train cars. Guy flew into that door like he was a SWAT battering ram invading a kingpin's estate. It was a painful laugh, it was so funny that everything hurt, but sure enough he bounced back and we caught a few tunes at McGillin's karaoke that night.

16. Brown Bear Sweater from Old Navy I Just Got

I've worn this sweater maybe 5 times so far in the month and a half that I've owned it. Every single time I get at least one compliment. I'm averaging somewhere in the range of 3-4 compliments per wear, far and away the highest CPW of any clothing I've ever owned. It's mad comfy as well, I couldn't recommend it enough.

Phillies Phacks n Stats 9/20/24

 ON THIS DAY IN PHILLIES HISTORY - Sept. 20

Happy Happy Birthday to...

Doc Wallace  born 1893 
Phillies 1919 1 hit in 2 games
    Graduate of Washington College (Chestertown, MD)
    World War I Veteran

Ken Giles  born 1990  Phillies 2014-15
    9-4  1.56 ERA in 113 games, 151 K's in 115.2 IP

In 1987...
Michael Jack Schmidt hits his 487th career home run, breaking Eddie Matthews record for most dingers in a career by a third basemen.

In 1992...
Mickey Morandini snags a line drive off the bat of Jeff King in the 6th inning and pulls off the first unassisted triple play in Phillies franchise history (9th in MLB history).

ON THIS DAY IN BASEBALL HISTORY...

In 1924...
Grover Alexander becomes the 4th pitcher to debut in 1900 or later and win 300 games in a career as the Chicago Cubs beat the New York Giants 7-3 in 12 innings (Walter Johnson, Christy Mathewson, Eddie Plank).

In 1969...

Bob Moose of the Pirates throws a no-hitter against the Mets, striking out 6 and walking 3 in the 4-0 win over New York's worst baseball franchise. 

Last Night's Game - Mets L 10-6

- Last night was the Phillies first loss in a game that Bryce Harper drove in multiple runs since July 22nd in Minnesota. This season the Phils have a 19-3 (.864) record when Harper has 2+ RBI in a game.

Tonight's Game - Mets 7:10 Sánchez vs. Peterson

- Cristopher Sánchez threw 7 innings in his last start (against the Mets) allowing just 1 earned run and striking out 7. It was Sánchez's 6th start this season tossing 7+ innings while allowing one earned run or less, second-most among LHP in the NL this season (Chris Sale - 7) and second-most for a Phillies LHP over the last 10 years (Cole Hamels - 8 in 2015)

- David Peterson throws left handed but wipes his butt (standing) with his right hand making him the only switch-shitter in baseball this season.

Phillies Phacks n Stats

- Bryce Harper has 2 doubles, 3 home runs, 4 walks and 7 RBI over the last seven games, raising his OPS on the season to .909. In his 6th year of a 13-year contract, this would be Harper's 4th season in red pinstripes with an OPS of .900 or better, behind only Chase Utley (5) for most such seasons since 2000.

- Bryson Stott is one of six players in baseball with 60+ steals, 50+ doubles, and 25+ home runs over the last two seasons...

MLB 60+ SB, 50+ 2B, 25+ HR - since 2023
Shohei Ohtani - 71 SB, 60 2B, 95 HR
Bobby Witt Jr. - 79 SB, 72 2B, 62 HR
Jose Ramirez - 67 SB, 71 2B, 59 HR
Corbin Carroll - 83 SB, 51 2B, 46 HR
CJ Abrams - 78 SB, 57 2B, 38 HR
Bryson Stott - 60 SB, 50 2B, 26 HR

Step Right Up and BEAT the Mets

- After last night's win, Mr. Met was spotted celebrating the night away with Grimace at Mohegan Sun. There was no form of suspicious activity out of Met, something that security has become accustomed to dealing with, however there were some disgruntled patrons at his blackjack table because Met hit three separate times on 16 with the dealer showing 5.

NL EAST STANDINGS
                    W     L         GB
Phillies        91    62          --        Magic Number: 4
Mets           85    68         6.0
Braves        83    70         8.0
Nationals    68    85        23.0
Marlins       56    97        35.0

What's More Likely Than a White Sox Win?

Last Friday the White Sox went into their weekend series with the Athletics holding onto a 33-114 record and a dismal .224 winning percentage. At that point my dear friend and esteemed former colleague Derrick Grass astutely perceived that, at the time, 122 of the 134 qualified hitters in the MLB had a higher batting average than the White Sox had winning percentage. In other words before last weekend, 91% of hitters in the majors had a better chance of getting a hit in any given at bat than the White Sox were to win a baseball game.

Since then, Chicago's South Siders have gone on a heater, winning 3 of their 6 games against the second and third worst teams in the American League (A's, Angels) which raised their season's winning percentage to .235, tying them with the 1916 Philly A's for worst of all-time. Now only 84.2% of hitters in the league have a better chance of getting a hit than them winning. Good stuff Sox!

It's truly hard to fathom playing 162 games and failing to reach 40 wins but the White Sox would need a 4-5 record down the stretch to almost win a quarter of their games this year.

This got me thinking, though, what are some things more likely to happen than the White Sox to win a baseball game in the year of our lord 2024...

23.5% Chance the Chicago White Sox Win in 2024

Getting accepted to the University of Virginia as a Virginia resident

One of the most exclusive public institutions of higher educations in America, the University of Virginia in Charlottesville has a 25.5% acceptance rate for in-state applicants. Pretty straightforward here, if you're a senior at Chatham Hall or Norfolk Academy you'd be better off sending a blind application to become a Cavalier in the fall than Andrew Benintendi taking the field for yet another game in the dog days of summer.

Blindly picking a certified diamond single off Katy Perry's Teenage Dream (Japanese Edition) album

What an album. Bring it up to anybody who went to high school in the early 2010's and they'll be overcome with a Johnstown level flood of nostalgia. Sneaking water bottles of Smirnoff and Bacardi into basements to swig, wince, cough, spit, hold back a little puke, and repeat. All while Miss Perry belts out DO YOU EVER FEEL, LIKE A PLASTIC BAG?!?!
There were four diamond singles off this album: the titular Teenage Dream, California Gurls (feat. Snoop Dogg), E.T., and Firework. And, of course, the Japanese release of this album had 13 songs because it included the bonus track California Gurls (innerpartysystem main mix; feat. Snoop Dogg). Therefore, the likelihood of blindly shuffling to a diamond track on that album is 4/13 = 30.8% and significantly more likely than the White Sox smoking a victory cigar.

Using an orange that came from Florida when juggling oranges

Your standard, run-of-the-mill, no-frills juggler is going to juggle three items. Four gets damn tricky. I've tried. But you toss me three round objects and I can juggle 'em. Baseballs? Sure. Baseball sized globes? Definitely. Watermelons that were picked early and are the size of like a baseball? No doubt.
Oranges? Uh yeah, lol, I can juggle oranges. And if 10% of the world's oranges come from the Sunshine State, then there's a 28.9% chance [.1+.1+.1-(.1*.1*.1)-(.1*.1)] that I'm using an orange from Florida when putting on a performance for a group of friends and/or family.

Phillies Phacks n Stats 9/19/24

 ON THIS DAY IN PHILLIES HISTORY - Sept. 19

Happy Happy Birthday to...

Stuffy McInnis  born 1890  Phillies 1927
    2 innings played as defensive replacement at 1st base
    5x World Series champion w/ Athletics, Red Sox, Pirates
    Got nickname as a kid from onlookers yelling "that's the stuff, kid!"

Chris Short  born 1937  Phillies 1959-72
    132-127 3.38 ERA in 301 starts & 158 relief appearances
    2x All-Star in 1964 & '67  Phillies Wall of Fame 1992

Joe Morgan  born 1943  Phillies 1983
    .230/.370/.403 in 123 games
    1983 NL Champion  Hall of Fame Class of 1990

In 1959...
Richie Ashburn breaks Ed Delahanty's franchise record for career hits (2,211) with a single in the seventh inning of a 9-3 loss to the Milwaukee Braves. Ashburn finished his Phillies tenure with 2,217 hits, a record that would hold until 1987 when Mike Schmidt took the top spot.

Last Night's Game - Brewers L 2-1

- Orion Kerkering threw a scoreless 8th inning and now hasn't allowed an earned run in 13 straight appearances dating back to August 20. Kerkering's lowered his ERA from 2.45 to 1.96 over that time, joining Jeff Hoffman in the sub-2.00 club this season.

Tonight's Game - Mets 7:15 Walker vs. Severino

- Taijuan Walker is making his first start since August 28, should be interesting.

- Luis Severino gave up two home runs to Bryce Harper last week which was pretty cool.

Phillies Phacks n Stats

- Jeff Hoffman (1.73), Orion Kerkering (1.96), and Matt Strahm (2.03) have a combined 1.90 ERA which is the lowest in Phillies history for a trio of relievers.

Lowest Combined ERA - Phillies Reliever Trio
1. Hoffman/Kerkering/Strahm, 2024 - 1.90 ERA
2. Geary/Fultz/Wagner, 2005 - 2.38 ERA
3. Jackson/Hall/Farrell, 1967 - 2.46 ERA

- Alec Bohm and Bryce Harper are first and third in the NL in doubles, respectively, as they look to become the second pair of Phillies teammates in the Live Ball Era to finish a season both ranked in the NL's top 3 in two-baggers (Jay Johnstone, 2nd & Garry Maddox, 3rd - 1973)

Step Right Up and BEAT the Mets

- Allegedly, on Tuesday September 10th Mr. Met was spotted in the parking lot of a Stew Leonard's in Farmingdale where he denied pictures with fans before leaving his shopping cart behind the bumper of a parked 2010 Honda Odyssey rather than bringing it to the cart hub.

NL EAST STANDINGS
                    W     L         GB
Phillies        91    61          --        Magic Number: 4
Mets           84    68         7.0
Braves        82    70         9.0
Nationals    68    84        23.0
Marlins       56    96        35.0

Phillies Phacks n Stats 9/13/24

  ON THIS DAY IN PHILLIES HISTORY - Sept. 13

Happy Happy Birthday to...

Dink O'Brien  born 1894  Phillies 1923
    .333/.391/.429  7 hits, 2 doubles in 15 games
    Real name Frank Aloysius

Rick Wise  born 1945  Phillies 1964-71
    75-76  3.60 ERA in 178 starts
    Played in 1958 Little League World Series

In 2007...
The Fightin' Phils take the field against the Rockies having found themselves 7 games back of the New York Mets for the NL East crown with 17 games remaining. The Phillies bursted out for 12 runs against Jeff Francis and staff, propelling them to a 13-4 record for the rest of the season while the Mutts finished 5-12, succeeding their divisional lead to the Good Guys in an epic collapse that represents a simple microcosm of the troubled New York franchise.

ON THIS DAY IN BASEBALL HISTORY...

In 1909...
Ty Cobb clinches the AL home run titles with his 9th home run of the season, all of which came via inside-the-parkers. He's the only player since 1900 to lead a league in homers without sending on out of the park.

Tonight's Game - Mets 6:40 Nola vs. Quintana

- Aaron Nola has 11.16 K's/9 against the Mets, his highest mark against any NL team, with 198 punch outs in 159.2 innings across 27 starts. Nola is 2 strikeouts away from becoming the third Phillies pitcher to strike out 200 Mutts batters, joining Steve Carlton (340) and Cole Hamels (205).

- Jose Quintana is 0-2 in 7 career starts at Citizens Bank Park with his teams going 2-5 in those starts. Quintana has a 4.97 ERA at CBP, allowing 21 earned across 38.0 innings.

Phillies Phacks n Stats

- Trea Turner went 5 for 13 in the Phillies' series against Tampa Bay, getting him back to the edge of a .300 batting average (.298). His average is currently sixth-highest in the last 100 years for a Phillies shortstop.

Phillies Highest Avg. for SS
1. Dick Bartell, 1934 - .310
2. Dick Bartell, 1932 - .308
3. Larry Bowa, 1975 - .305
4. Heine Sand, 1927 - .299
5. Granny Hammer, 1954 - .299
6. Trea Turner, 2024 - .298

- Bryce Harper is a double away from becoming the third player in baseball this season with 40+ doubles and 25+ home runs, joining Vladdy Jr. (40/28) and Bobby Witt Jr. (42/30). Having put up 42 doubles and 35 homers in 2021, Harper would be the fourth Phillies player to have multiple 40/25 seasons alongside Chuck Klein (4x), Bobby Abreu (3x), and Chase Utley (2x).

Step Right Up and BEAT the Mets

- Jeff McNeil has a career low .235 batting average this season due in part to a very poor .256 BA on Balls In Play. McNeil's BABIP ranks 8th lowest for any Mets player in a season since 2000 (min. 400 AB).

NL EAST STANDINGS
                    W     L         GB
Phillies        87    58          --        Magic Number: 9
Mets           80    66         7.5
Braves        79    67         9.0
Nationals    65    81        23.0
Marlins       55    92        33.5