Backyard Sports Real Life Comps Pt. 3

Last winter I started comparing Backyard Sports characters to real life athletes (Part 1, Part 2) and this summer the team behind Backyard Sports started leaking some teasers that we might see a return from the nostalgic favorite of 2000's kids. Then, on August 20th, we got an official trailer from the newly assembled Backyard Sports social media squad. 

When I caught wind of that news I felt like an 8th grader in health class sitting next to the prettiest girl in school. My excitement was palpable to the point where I needed to hit a cold plunge just to regulate blood flow. And now that me and that tweet have had our two week honeymoon, let's dive further into some comps.

So far I've drawn connections between Pablo Sanchez and Mookie Betts, Kenny Kawaguchi and Jason Street, Achmed Khan and Manny Ramirez, Sidney & Ashley Weber and the Cavinder Twins, and more...

Without further ado:

Kiesha Phillips - Brittney Griner

Kiesha is the most...powerful...of the female Backyard Sports characters and she's far from afraid to let it show. One day she's slamming home runs from the cleanup spot on the diamond, the next she's sending Lisa Crocket flying into the third row of the baseline seats with a Shaq-like low post backdown on the hardwood. Kiesha's also a renowned shit-talker, though most of her lines come as references to the TV show Sanford and Son which seems to take a more confusing than intimidating effect on the likes of Reese Worthington and Marky DuBois.

There are very, very few people out there that stack up to Kiesha in terms of athletic ferocity, femboss dom energy, and...adam's apple...but Brittney Griner is certainly one of them. The 6'9" 10x WNBA All-Star and 2x NCAA Player of the Year Griner has asserted her will on smaller centers for the last decade and change, exemplifying everything you could want from a back-to-the-basket, rim-protecting big (wo)man.

Dive further into Kiesha Phillips' Backyard Sports Reference page and you'll notice the comparisons to Griner don't just stop at appearance and play style. Back in the Summer of '91 Pete Wheeler's baseball squad was in win-now mode and made a blockbuster trade deadline deal with Dmitri Petrovich, sending top prospect Pablo "The Secret Weapon" Sanchez to Petrovich for the established veteran Phillips who was fresh off suspension for a failed drug test in a one-sided arms deal that'll live forever in Backyard folklore.

Amir Khan - Seth Curry

Achmed this and Achmed that, when will anyone recognize that Amir is pretty damn good too? He'll never post the gaudy statistics to match his brother's but Amir is a useful piece to a championship contender that understands and accepts his role. Amir knows he's already viewed on a curve when coaches see his last name so he plays with unbridled effort, making you feel his presence by doing the little things that don't show up on the box score.

Seth Curry was never a widely feared defender like Amir Khan, but he could change a game in the matter of a few possessions by catching fuego from beyond the arc. Seth would rarely force the shot though, acknowledging that a contested three from him wasn't as good of a shot as what his team could find with a little ball movement.

Jorge Garcia - Bronny James

People do not like Jorge Garcia, plain and simple. A certain contingency hates him based on name alone, but the rest of his naysayers cite that "he claims he's the 7th richest kid in the world and he isn't actually good at anything. His dad's money is the only reason why he's here." And quite frankly they're not wrong. Jorge has no one talent that you could point at and say "he's best at this." His height works to his benefit playing defense on basketball but aside from that his roster spot would be better utilized by someone with more potential or at least a more specialized skillset.

Whether you think he has a true shot at The League or not, Bronny James is without a doubt the biggest nepo baby in sports right now. Just like Backyard teams draft Jorge so his dad will buy them new uniforms, the Lakers top brass decided keeping the greatest basketball player of all time happy was worth throwing their second round picks to the dogs like it was coated in peanut butter and parmesan cheese. Bronny's ok at shooting, and ok at defense, and ok at dribbling, and ok at just about everything within the confines of the hardwood. The other thing that strikes me about Jorge and Bronny is that they both look like they'd tweet out "#AthletesForKamala" just to show it off to a chick in a grungy Fishtown dive bar while their Make America Great Again Again onesie sits neatly folded in the laundry room of their parents' house.