250 Funnest Facts for USA's 250th Birthday - Part 2: Philadelphia

The Birthplace of America, the Cradle of the Constitution, Washington's Warmest Residency, the Bastion of Brotherly Love....Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. What city is more American than the place where it was conceived? For Part 2 of my 250 Funnest Facts for USA's 250th Birthday, let's dive into a list of goofy, semi-interesting, mostly historically true findings about Philadelphia...

1). "Double Dutch Bus" by Frankie Smith, a funk super-hit released in 1981, was written about riding the SEPTA buses through Philadelphia.

2). The earliest Europeans to enter the Delaware Valley were the Dutch then Swedish & Finnish in the early 17th century until England took control of their colonies.

3). Despite receiving a royal charter from King Charles II, William Penn insisted upon purchasing the land of Philadelphia from the Lenape tribe as a sign of friendship and good faith. The Treaty of Shackamaxon was signed by Penn & Chief Tammany under an elm tree in present-day Fishtown.

4). William Penn didn't actually dock at "Penn's Landing" but rather arrived in Chester when he landed in the Delaware Valley in 1682.

5). With construction completed in 1932, the PSFS Building at 12th & Market (now the Loews Hotel) was the first International Style skyscraper built in the United States. In 1976 it gained listing as a National Historic Landmark.

6). You may already know that the Philadelphia Zoo was America's First Zoo but did you know...

    - Ulysses S Grant was the first President to visit the Zoo in April 1876
    - It was the first zoo in North America to successfully breed an orangutan, a chimpanzee (both 1928) and a giant river otter (2004) in captivity
    - Brigham Young and William Tecumseh Sherman were among the many to donate animals to the Zoo in its early years
    - In April 2025, Mommy the Galapagos Santa Cruz Tortoise became a first time mother to four hatchlings at the ripe age of 97 years young after 93 years of occupancy at the Zoo

7). In October 1927, Charles Lindbergh flew his famous plane the Spirt of St. Louis into Philly's newly built airport as part of a celebratory US tour following his flight from New York to Paris, the first solo transatlantic flight ever. He then rose an American flag to dedicate the site as Philadelphia Municipal Airport.

8). Terminal A in the Philly Airport, the International Terminal, technically falls over the county lines and resides in Tinicum Township, Delco.

9). In 1917 Philly/Delco housed the largest shipyard in the world on Hog Island (present day airport where unfenced hogs used to roam the grounds), supporting 50 slipways as part of stepped up World War I production efforts.

10). Speaking of Hog Island, there are disputes over the origin of the "hoagie," Philly's version of the submarine sandwich (dumb name)..my favorites:
    - Italian-Americans working at the Hog Island Shipyard during WWI would bring the makings of a sandwich for lunch which became known as the "Hog Island Sandwich" which got shortened to "Hoggies" then turned into "hoagies"
    - Italian deli owner in South Philadelphia would at times give away from scraps of cheese and meats on a roll to people "on the hoke" or down on their luck a bit. The sandwiches were referred to as "hokies" that transitioned to "hoagies"
    - Italian Philadelphian Alphonso DePalma claimed in 1928 that "you'd have to be a hog to eat one of those [sandwiches]" before opening delis himself and titling himself "King of the Hoggies" that eventually became "Hoagies"

11). There are six Fortune 500 companies located in or around Philadelphia: Cencora (Conshy), Comcast, Aramark, Lincoln National (Radnor), Universal Health Services (KoP), Toll Brothers (Ft. Washington)

12). The nation's first volunteer fire department was founded in Philadelphia in 1736 as the "Union Fire Company" but sometimes referred to as "Franklin's Bucket Brigade" due to Ben Franklin's involvement in the formation and development of the department.

13). In 1953 Philadelphia was home to the largest Catholic high school for boys in the world when Northeast Catholic High School's enrollment peaked at 4,726.

14). Philadelphia is home to 67 National Historic Landmarks, third-most of any city in the country, and Independence National Historic Park is one of 26 UNESCO World Heritage Sites found in the USA.

15). Before Franklin the Dog and Hip Hop the bunny, the 76ers original mascot was a goofy blue...blob?...named Big Shot. Big Shot was the Sixers from his introduction in 1982 until his retirement in 1996 and would've fit in perfectly in the modern Philly mascot scene with the Phillie Phanatic and Gritty.

16). In 2025 Philadelphia's William H. Gray 30th Street Station was Amtrak's third-busiest train station, serving over 5.5 million riders.

17). Until 1941, Tastykake products were sold almost exclusively by horse-drawn carriage within Philly's city limits but the brand exploded during World War II when Tastykake sent its snacks to both the European and Pacific theaters.

18). Boelson Cottage is the oldest standing building in the city of Philadelphia, residing in Fairmount Park near what is now 2000 Martin Luther King Drive since 1684 and originally housed the Swedish Boelson family.

19). McGillin's Olde Ale House, originally named "Bell in Hand Tavern" until 1901, is the oldest continuously operating bar in the United States, opening it's doors in 1860 - the same year as Abraham Lincoln's election as President.

20). Standing at 37 feet tall and weighing over 53,000, the William Penn statue atop City Hall is the tallest and heaviest statue atop any building in the world.

21). The snowballs thrown at Santa was totally blown out of proportion. It wasn't the real Santa Claus, it was a drunken 20-year-old.

22). With 6 titles, the Philadelphia Wings are tied for the most championships in National Lacrosse League history.

23). Humphrey Morrey was appointed as the first mayor of Philadelphia serving from 1691-1701 before founding and building estates just north of the city in present-day Cheltenham Township.

24). Edgar Allen Poe lived in Philadelphia for the better part of seven years from 1838 to 1844 and tried getting involved in politics by securing a position within John Tyler's administration, claiming to part of the Whig Party. Poe inquired about potential appointment to the United States Custom House in Philly but missed the meeting set up to discuss his involvement because he was drunk.

25). Philadelphia has the most public murals of any city in the country with over 2,000 outdoor paintings adorning walls across all neighborhoods. It is also home to the world's second-largest urban collection of sculptor work, trailing just Paris.

26). For a few seasons from 1944-49, the Phillies tried to go by the "Blue Jays" and disputes are had whether or not that was an 'official' or 'additional' nickname for the franchise. There was also conflict between the organization and Baltimore's Johns Hopkins University, also the "Blue Jays," who claimed the Phillies' poor performance on the field would sully the good name of Jays de Azul (the Phils had won more than 50 games just once in the prior six seasons).

27). Philadelphia was home to the country's first cancer center when American Oncologic Hospital was formed in 1904. It's since merged with the Institute for Cancer Research to become the modern-day Fox Chase Cancer Center in Northeast Philly's Fox Chase neighborhood.

28). Founded in 1794, the Mother Bethel African Methodist Episcopal Church is the oldest church in the country with a predominantly African American congregation.

29). The Stetson Hat Company best known for it's world-famous Cowboy hats is headquartered out of Garland, Texas, a suburb of the Dallas-Fort Worth metro area, but was founded when John B. Stetson moved to Philadelphia in 1865. Its original factory stood in the Kensington neighborhood of the city where it operated for over 100 years before shutting down in the 1970s and burning down in 1980.

30). Though only one of the teams would raise a banner, Philadelphia is the only North American city that saw all four of its major professional sports team make their league's championship in 1980 when the Eagles lost in the Super Bowl to the Raiders, 76ers dropped the NBA Finals to the Lakers, Flyers fell short in the Stanley Cup to the Islanders, and Phillies won the World Series over the Royals.

31). The first organized protest against slavery was held at Haverford College in 1688 when Quakers from Germantown put together the first formal petition demanding the abolition of enslaved peoples.

32). To celebrate the Bicentennial in 1976, a sycamore seed that orbited the moon as a part of the Apollo 14 mission was planted in Philadelphia's Washington Square Park. The original tree has since died and been replaced with a clone but a memorial plaque remains at Walnut & S. 6th Street.

33). Established in 1809, the Walnut Street Theater on Walnut Street is the oldest continuously operating theater in the English-speaking world. Take that London.

34). Stemming from original early settlements by Dutch and Germans in the region, 80% of pretzels consumed in the US are produced by Philadelphia and its surrounding small cities - collectively known as the Pretzel Belt or Pretzelvania.

35). Thirty natives of Philadelphia & the Main Line were passengers on the Titanic, twenty of which survived the crash and sinking. 

36). When the grid was laid for planning Center City, William Penn chose to name the east-west streets after trees because the mostly illiterate population was more able to easily identify the trees that grew along each street. He also intentionally named them so that trees with harder wood were on the northern half of the city with each tree's getting softer as passengers traveled south.

37). America's first dinosaur skeleton display was exhibited in Philly when the Academy of Natural Sciences unveiled the curtain on a 20-foot Hadrosaurus skeleton that was discovered just across the bridge in Haddonfield, NJ.

38). On January 9, 1793, Frenchman Jean-Pierre Blanchard took flight in America's first manned hot air balloon flight. He departed the Walnut Street Prison in Philadelphia around 10AM, soared across the Delaware River, and landed safely in Deptford, NJ about 45 minutes later.

39). Pottsville, a coal & iron town a little under 2 hours outside of Philadelphia, is known for being the birthplace of Yuengling, America's oldest operating brewing company. But Pottsville was home to an NFL franchise, the Maroons, who won an NFL Championship in 1925 - eight years before the Eagles would come into existence.

40). Roughly 25% of the United States' population lives within a 5(ish)-hour drive of Center City Philadelphia.

41). St. Joe's (then St. Joseph's College) received the first experimental radio license by the US Department of Commerce in 1912, run under the call letters 3XJ.

42). By winning the 1975 Stanley Cup, the Flyers became the NHL's first team to win a title that wasn't a part of the Original Six franchises. Their logo is also the "oldest" Big 4 sports team logo in use, having gone unaltered from its original 1966 design.

43). America's first urban squirrels were introduced in Philadelphia in 1847 when city officials released three eastern gray squirrels into Franklin Square. The intention was to provide workers that couldn't afford to leave the city with a small sense of nature in their urban paradise.

44). Drexel University was founded by Anthony Joseph Drexel, a native Philadelphian who also founded Drexel, Morgan & Co which evolved into JPMorgan Chase.

45). George Washington's original tent used as fortification during the Revolutionary War, often referred to as the "First Oval Office," currently resides in Philadelphia's Museum of the American Revolution.

46). The first library system in the United States, the Library Company of Philadelphia was formed in 1731 by a group of free-thinkers led by Benjamin Franklin.

47). 

The highest natural elevation in Philadelphia is 446 feet above sea level on Summit Street in Chestnut Hill near where it intersects with Germantown Ave & Bethlehem Pike.

48). Elfreth's Alley in Philly's Old City neighborhood is the oldest continuously inhabited street in the United States, having played home to residents since 1702 when it was originally named "Gilbert's Alley" after John Gilbert.

49). The first piano commercially made and sold in America was crafted in 1775 in Philly when John Behrent constructed the instrument made of yellow pine, tulip poplar, and mahogany. It currently resides in the Sigal Music Museum in Greenville, SC.

50). The oldest continuously played high school football rivalry in the nation is played in the Philly region when Penn Charter (of Roxborough/East Falls) squares off on the gridiron against Germantown Academy (of Fort Washington but formerly Germantown). The rival institutions have gone to battle every fall since 1887.

250 Funnest Facts for USA's 250th Birthday - Part 1: Baseball

America turns 250 years young this weekend so I'm hitting you with 250 of the Funnest Facts that I can possibly find on five different topics. What better way to lead off than with some semi-interesting bulldirt on America's Pastime, Baseball. Nothing says red, white, and blue like the smell of fresh cut sod, the crack of a wooden bat meeting a fastball, the hot dog vendor shouting out in between pitches to market his weenies, and Bad Bunny walkout songs. 

Here's some facts, most of them are totally original, some have a new spin on an old take, and I think 2-3 of them might actually not be true...

1). Flying at max speed, a peregrine falcon can cover the distance of 31-32,000 feet (~6 miles) during the average lifespan of a major league baseball in a game (6 pitches/90 seconds).

2). Danny Almonte of Little League World Series infamy hit 32 home runs and went 16-1 on the mound in 2007 & 2008 at Western Oklahoma State College in NJCAA DII.

3). In 1898 Elizabeth Stroud/Stride/Lizzie Arlington became the first woman to play professional baseball, entering a 5-0 game in the final inning for the Reading Coal Heavers who were hosting the Allentown Peanuts. She loaded the bases before retiring the side without allowing a run, leaving the field to chants of "Good for Lizzie!" raining down from the Reading revelers.

4). Joe DiMaggio coached 21/22/23 year old Hall of Famers Rollie Fingers, Catfish Hunter, Reggie Jackson, and Tony La Russa in 1968 & 1969 - the Athletics' first two seasons in Oakland.

5). Ray Jansen of the 1910 St. Louis Browns is the lone player in baseball history to have played just one game in the MLB and record four hits. But he also didn't score a run or drive in a run, and he had three errors in the field.

6). There's one player in major league history who's birthplace is listed as "At Sea" - Ed Porray of the 1914 Buffalo Buffeds who was born on a boat carrying his emigrating parents from Poland to America. He was also a pianist in World War I.

7). #97 is the least frequently worn jersey number in MLB history (i'm pretty sure), adorned only by Joe Beimel (LHP) from 2005-15 for six teams and Ron Marinaccio (RHP) from 2022-active for the Yankees & Padres.

8). There has been one baseball Hall of Famer born on the 4th of July:
    - Mickey Welch, a 300-game winner & 2-time World Series Champion for the Troy Trojans and New York Gothams/Giants who was born in Brooklyn on America's 83rd Birthday (1859). "Smiling Mickey," as he was known, holds an MLB record for striking out the first nine batters he faced in a game on August 28, 1884 and is credited for his pioneering of the Screwball.

9). There have been three Hall of Famers born on Christmas:

    - Rickey Henderson, baseball's All-time Stolen Base Leader 
    - Pud Galvin, baseball's first 300-game winner on the mound
    - Nellie Fox, who also got engaged to his future wife on Christmas Day in 1946

10). Pud Galvin (mentioned above) was reportedly the first player to have been widely known as a user of performance-enhancing drugs, taking an elixir from physiologist Charles-Édouard Brown-Séquard that was comprised primarily of monkey testosterone.

11). There's one player in baseball history to hit exactly 100 career home runs and record a .300 career batting average: Charleston, West Virginia's own John Kruk. 

12). This season there will be approximately 20 million hot dogs consumed at Major League Baseball parks across America. At his world record pace (83 hot dogs in 10 minutes), it would take Joey Chestnut 40,160 hours or 4.58 years to consume that many frankfurters.

13). July 28 is the only date on the calendar that has seen multiple perfect games pitched on that day - Dennis Martinez for Montreal in 1991 & Kenny Rogers for Texas in 1994.

14). Ed Walsh holds the record for lowest ERA by a pitcher with at least 20 losses in a season, going 18-20 with a career-low & MLB-leading 1.27 ERA for the 1910 White Sox.

15). Old Hoss Radbourn holds the major league record for most wins by a pitcher in a single season, winning 60 games for the 1884 Providence Grays who won 84 games as a team that year. There's been an MLB team with fewer than 60 wins in each of the last seven seasons (excluding the 2020 shortened campaign).

16). The 1989 MLB Draft is the only draft to have produced five Hall of Famers: Frank Thomas (1st Round; 7th Overall), Jeff Bagwell (4th; 110), Trevor Hoffman (11th; 290), Jim Thome (13th; 333rd), and Jeff Kent (20th; 523rd).

17). Barry Bonds has the most intentional walks in baseball history with 688 which is more than the players in second & third place combined (Albert Pujols & Hank Aaron, 609 combined).

18). In 2004 Barry Bonds recorded a total of 361 combined walks, intentional walks, and hit by pitches en route to posting a .607 on-base percentage. During his 19 year career, Shaquille O'Neal only had one season in which he posted a higher free throw percentage than Bonds' '04 OBP.

19). Babe Ruth has a career pitching record of 17-5 against the Yankees and his .773 winning percentage is the highest among 215 pitchers with at least 20 career decisions vs. NYY.

20). There is one pitcher in MLB history with at least 300 career wins and 50 career saves: Lefty Grove who retired with exactly 300 wins and 55 saves.

21). Despite claims about Mr. Met being baseball's first mascot, the first live action mascot in the majors was actually Mr. Oriole who was introduced in 1954 and lasted just one season. 

22). Nine mascots are in the Baseball Hall of Fame: the Phillie Phanatic, Sluggerrr, the Oriole Bird, Slider, Southpaw, Orbit, Lou Seal, Fredbird, and mr. met.

23). Charlie Hough has the most wins (and losses) for a pitcher with exactly a .500 winning percentage. Hough won and lost 216 games across 25 seasons from 1970 (as a 22 year old) through 1994 (as a 46 year old).

24). Since 1990 there are two pitchers who have recorded multiple saves and multiple shutouts in the same season: Jeff Weaver in 2002 & Curt Schilling in 1992.

25). There have been 12 MLB players born in Alaska, and pitchers account for 18.97% of the total hits produced by Alaskan-born players.

26). There has been one MLB player born in Vietnam - Danny Graves who was born in 1973, a year and a half before the Fall of Saigon and went on to become a 2x All-Star Closer for the Reds.

27). Danny Graves & Nolan Fontana are the only two players in MLB history to have multiple seasons in which his lone hit in the entire season was a home run. Graves did so as a closer in 2000 & 2001 and Fontana as an infielder in 2017 & 2018.

28). Brooks Robinson & Frank Robinson got a hit in the same game 399 times while playing together with Baltimore from 1966-71. The Orioles went 282-117 in those games, good for a .707 winning percentage.

29). Bob Gibson hit a home run in the same game in which he threw a shutout 6 times in his career, most in MLB history.

30). There have been four instances of a pitcher hitting multiple home runs in a game that he also threw a shutout:
    - Sonny Sieber for Boston in 1971
    - Rick Wise for Philadelphia in 1971
    - Pedro Ramos for Cleveland in 1962
    - Milt Pappas for Baltimore in 1961

31). The Top 5 for NL Cy Young voting in 2008 finished in reverse order in NL MVP voting
    - Tim Lincecum (1st Cy Young / 23rd MVP)
    - Brandon Webb (2nd / 17th)
    - Johan Santana (3rd / 14th)
    - Brad Lidge (4th / 8th)
    - CC Sabathia (5th / 6th)

32). The 2007 New York Mets rostered six players throughout the season that were 40+ years old. They combined for 5.8 bWAR: Julio Franco (48 years old, -0.1 bWAR), Orlando Hernandez (41, 2.5), Tom Glavine (41 / 2.0), Jeff Conine (41, -0.8), Sandy Alomar (41, -0.1), and Moisés Alou (40, 2.3).

33). Three Japanese-born players have made the All-Star Game in their rookie seasons: Hideo Nomo (1995), Ichiro Suzuki (2001), and Kosuke Fukudome (2008). Kazuma Okamoto of the Blue Jays and Munetaka Murakami of the White Sox are looking to add to the list this season.

34). There have been sixteen 10+ RBI games in MLB history (fewer than there have been perfect games). In fifteen of these instances, the player responsible for driving in 10+ runs also hit multiple home runs in the contes. The lone exception is Phil Weintraub who hit just one homer in an 11-RBI effort on April 30, 1944 when the New York Giants drubbed the Brooklyn Dodgers 26-8.

35). Hall of Famer and career .346 hitter Ed Delahanty, who was originally acquired by the Phillies in 1888 as a replacement for Charlie Ferguson who had died from typhoid fever 3 weeks earlier, died by falling over Niagara Falls after being kicked off a train for being drunk and disorderly.

36). Ross Barnes is the only player in baseball history to lead the MLB in hits (138) and walks (20) in the same season, doing so for the 1876 Chicago Cubs.

37). Ty Cobb is the only player in baseball history to lead the MLB in home runs (9) and stolen bases (76) in the same season, doing so for the 1909 Detroit Tigers.

38). Excluding the universal 42 for Jackie Robinson, the Royals have the lowest average numerical value for its retired jersey numbers at 11.67 (George Brett 5 + Dick Howser 10 + Frank White 20 = 35 / 3 = 11.67).

39). With his #72 retired by the White Sox, Carlton Fisk has the highest retired number of any player in the MLB.

40). In 2005, the Houston Astros beat the Atlanta Braves in the NLDS on their way to a World Series loss to the Chicago White Sox. In 2021, the Astros beat the White Sox in the ALDS en route to a World Series loss to the Braves.

41). Joe Torre is the only person to have been manager for two perfect games (David Cone, David Wells). Joe Maddon is the only manager to have had a perfect game thrown against his team three times (Felix Hernandez, Dallas Braden, Mark Buehrle). Casey Stengel is the only manager to have been on both ends of a perfect game (Jim Bunning, Don Larsen). 

42). Jackie Robinson won a junior boys championship in tennis in 1936, set the UCLA football record for yards per carry with 12.2 in 1939, won the NCAA Championship for long jump in 1940, played semi-pro football in Honolulu in 1941, served in the US Army from 1942-44, coached college basketball in 1945, THEN started his baseball career before retiring in 1956 to become vice president for personnel at Chock full O'Nuts.

43). The record for highest attended MLB game ever was 115,300 at LA Memorial Coliseum on March 29, 2008 for a preseason game between the Dodgers and Red Sox.

44). Ted Lyons is the only Hall of Fame pitcher who walked more batters (1,121) than he struck out (1,073) in his career.

45). Since 2000, two players have at least 40 steals on the base paths and 40 strikeouts on the mound: 4x MVP Shohei Ohtani and 2020 Olympic silver medalist Anthony Gose.

46). There has only been two players in MLB history that have won a Cy Young, an MVP, and Rookie of the Year awards in their career: Don Newcombe and Justin Verlander.

47). Greg Maddux unintentionally went to 482 counts of 3 balls & 0 strikes out of 19,576 batters faced in his career. At a minuscule 2.46%, there's a smaller chance of walking up to the plate and getting a 3-0 count from Maddux than...
    - Picking the correct number on an American roulette wheel (2.63%)
    - The US Postal Service permanently losing your package (3.85%)
    - Selecting an American if you were to pull one member of the world's population at random (4.13%)

48). From 1990-1999, no player in baseball had more hits (1,754) or doubles (364) than Mark Grace. He's one of 24 players all-time with at least 1,000 walks, 500 doubles, and a .300 or better batting average.

49). Mike Piazza has the record for most stolen bases allowed by a catcher in a single season, letting runners swipe 155 bags in 1996.

50). In June 1944, the Brooklyn Dodgers, New York Giants, and New York Yankees participated in a "Tri-Cornered Baseball Game" as a fundraiser towards American World War II efforts. Each team batted and fielded six times in the nine inning game with Brooklyn scoring 5 runs, the Yankees scoring 1, and Giants going scoreless.

Colt Anderson Traded For Colt Anderson In Frontier League

 Baseball is such a weird sport. But when 10,000 professional games are played across 9 months every year, the oddities become inevitable and almost normalized. A few nights ago J.T. Ginn of the Athletics threw 8 innings of no-hit ball against the MLB's worst team out in Anaheim only to start the 9th inning by allowing two hits with the second clearing the outfield wall, giving the Angels a win in walk-off fashion. A baseball oddity no doubt, but hardly in the top 500 weirdest things to happen in baseball history.

The trade completed between the Washington Wild Things and Ottawa Titans last night qualifies. This particular oddity has not become normalized and is more rare in Major League Baseball than a 27 up, 27 down Perfect Game.

On the night of May 2nd, 2026 (Anno Domini) the Washington Wild Things out of the Frontier League, baseball's highest level of independent ball, shipped 6 foot 4 lefty Colt Anderson north of the border to the Canadian capital of Ottawa in exchange for a Player To Be Named Later (PTBNL). 

Anderson had finished 2025 with a few solid outings for the Wild Things, punching the tickets of four batters in three appearances while allowing just one run. But business is business and Anderson was headed back to the land of maples and mounties where he spent two college summers spinning the seams in Saskatchewan.

One can only imagine Colt was already a bit culture shocked moving from his hometown in suburban Tulsa with fewer than 6,000 residents to the big city of Washington, PA (pop. 13,000). Now picture that ole cowboy sporting his boots and spurs in downtown Ottawa, population...1 million.

Terrifying.

Luckily for Colt Anderson (siiiiiiick baseball name btw), his long-stay AirBNB in Washington hasn't been rebooked yet. Why?

Because on May 19th, 2026 (Anno Domini) the Titans and Wild Things completed their previously agreed to trade by Ottawa sending Colt Anderson to Washington as the Player To Be Named Later (PTBNL).

Nope, not a typo, not a different guy. Colt Anderson of Verdigris, OK, History Major and 2024 All-MIAA Honorable Mention at Rogers State, was traded for Colt Anderson of Verdigris, OK, History Major and 2024 All-MIAA Honorable Mention at Rogers State.

In the history of Major League Baseball, which dates back 150 years to the National League's founding in 1876, TWO of the approximately 23,000 players to appear in an MLB game have been traded for themself.

There have really been four instances of this type of occurrence but in Harry Chiti (1962) and Dickie Noles' (1987) cases, teams couldn't come to a final trade agreement and those players were thrust back upon their original sellers.

In November 1980 (Anno Domini), the Yankees shipped off reserve catcher Brad Gulden cross country to Puget Sound where he'd appear in 8 games for the Mariners before packing his bags and heading back to the Bronx in May of 1981 (Anno Domini).

Though Gulden didn't light up the stat sheet, posting a career average right at the Mendoza line, he holds a place in baseball lore as the original "Hummmmmm-baby". Fighting for a roster spot with San Francisco in spring 1986 (Anno Domini), Gulden's manager complimented his hustle and worth ethic, describing him as a "Humm Baby." So anytime you're at the ballfield and hear a good ole "HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMM NOW BABE" from the dugout, clink a glass to Bradley Lee Gulden (dumb ass middle name btw).

The last MLB player to have been traded for himself was infielder John McDonlad of East Lyme, CT (the place Lyme Disease is named after). In July 2005 (Anno Domini) McDonald was on the trade block just seven months after the Blue Jays had acquired him from Cleveland and was sent to Detroit in exchange for a Player To Be Named Later (PTBNL). Three and a half months later, McDonald was that Player To Be Named Later (PTBNL).

"Johnny Mac" as he was dubbed by Blue Jays fan, quickly became Canada's second favorite McDonald behind Norman due to his defense and willingness to lay his body on the line. A "humm baby" in his own right, Johnny Mac rarely left the field with an untainted uniform and was voted the most popular Blue Jay by fans ahead of the 2007 season, beating out 4x All-Star and Cy Young winning ace Roy Halladay.

Don't it always seem to go, that you've don't know what you got 'til it's gone? Well that's why you always make sure to call "tradsies backsies" before hanging up the phone with another GM.

Long Weekend

 1. For Whom the Bell Tolls

AWOoOoOoooo

"Say, son, what's your name?"

"What's that, I'm sorry?" I snapped out of my temporary trance.

"We been sittin' here shootin' the shit for 'bout two hours now and I never asked your damn name!"

"Oh, it's JJ." I extended my hand for him to meet.

The old man sitting next to me put down his tonic and gin, then shook my hand with a grizzled paw and bearish force. "You got a last name JJ?"

"Ibanez. You?"

"Hmm. Sure are white for a fella named Ibanez. Ain't never seen a Mexican with blue eyes neither. But hell, that don't matter none here in the Conch Republic." The old man extended his arms above his head in a way he seemed to think meant "Welcome;" but with his chapped palms facing outwards and his peppered beard unraveling beneath his chin, he looked much more like Moses parting the Red Sea. 

"Yeah I'm not sure." 

"Us Conchs ain't got no politics. Don't be an asshole and respect those who call this place home." He smiled.

I quickly changed the subject. "Hey, there's no way a wolf would make its way down to the Keys right?"

It was my third night in Key West and each night I had heard the faintest sound of a wolf howling. I heard it while I was walking along the street on the first night. I heard it inside my hotel room on the second night. And now, just a minute ago, I heard it while sitting at an oversized tiki bar next to the docks on the other side of the island.

"Wolf?? Boy, that's about the dumbest thing I heard today. Ain't no wolves in Key West. Nonsense. Don't you know what a rooster sound like? Check your watch, betcha it's 3AM."

I pulled out my phone and, sure enough, it was 3AM with the first brigade of roosters crowing right on cue. I convinced myself they were the animal cry I'd just heard. I was also taken back a bit by the time. I'm not typically out this late. The bars in Philadelphia close at 2AM and even then I'm usually out the door much earlier. But when in Paris you make lemonade or whatever.

"Told ya. 3AM," the old man boasted as he sloshed the last sip of his drink around his glass once, then twice, before gulping it all down including the remaining two ice cubes. "Those first roosters always blow at 3AM when it's still damn dark out. Used to help me when I'd take the boat out. I'd be in the fish's bedroom by the time they woke. Now I can't stand those dumb cocks. Can't do nothin' 'bout 'em though. They're protected."

"What do you mean?"

"The government or whatever protects them. Only time I ever seen someone get put in han'cuffs in this town was some jackass from a bachelor party. He was wearing nothin' but a fedora and went runnin' down Duvall Street with a rooster raised 'bove his head."

"You don't think he was arrested on account of the fact that he was naked?"

"Oh hell no. Most cops 'round here toss a duffel bag of sweats in the backseat. They see a guy walkin' down the street butt naked, they toss 'im a pair of pants just so they ain't gotta do the paperwork." He took a big swig from an empty glass. "But if it's a girl walkin' 'round nude they honk and throw beads out the window!!!" The old man yanked his stained shirt up to cover his leathered face and expose his concave chest. Then he started hysterically laughing, which was really more of a series of hacking coughs mixed with deep breaths.

"What did you mean when you said 'sometimes you want to do something about the roosters?'" I finally managed to ask when he had calmed down a bit and his face turned from crimson to a lighter pink.

"Oh oh I don't know sometimes they're in your way..." He glared at the ground in front of him and steadied himself. "And ya just wanna KICK the damn thing!" The old man made a violent kicking motion that nearly threw him from his barstool and we both laughed.

"Sorry about my laugh, son, I've got the ole sailor's lung."

I was pretty much ready to hang it up for the night as I sipped the last of my Miller Lite. But the old man kept me intrigued just enough. "What the hell is sailor's lung?"

"I don't know but it's a helluva lot better than having seamen's throat!! HA HA *cough* HA *cough cough cough* HA!!!" Between breaths the old man managed to squeal "Hey Rosie, how about another round for me and Junior here."

AwwwwwOooooOOOOOoOOoo

2. The Old Man & The Sea

The headache and dry mouth upon my waking up was to be expected. As I stood up for the first time that morning, the boat beneath my feet and futon I dizzily looked down at were both surprising. And the lack of people on said boat was both a bit concerning and relieving. But it all turned to panicked confusion when I stepped out onto the houseboat's deck and noticed I was at least two miles from land.

Did I steal a boat? There's no way I stole a boat. I'm not a saint but I'm also not a felon. I also can't drive a boat and doubt that I learned on YouTube sometime within the last five hours. So I couldn't have stolen the boat. Where is the person that drove this boat? Who is the person that drove this boat?

After spiraling and throwing up once (or twice) in a toilet that leads to, I don't know, the ocean I guess, I could finally see a smaller motor boat headed in my direction.

Sure enough it was the old sailor from last night which gave me a sense of familiarity, but still not necessarily relief. "ARGGGHHH" he yelled to me from behind the wheel of his vessel. 

"arg" I managed to groan with zero passion.

"Ayy what happened to me first matey?" 

The old man and I must've been playing a pirate bit last night. I do love the pirate bit. But not while hungover.

"Umm. He be confused, and tired, and hungry, and a little worried.."

"Nothin' to be worried about Smee! Here," he tossed me two oranges, "to fight the scurvy!"

Then the old man and I enjoyed a breakfast of Florida oranges and black coffee (with the pulp) out on the deck of his houseboat as he alternated breaths between sea air and a Marlboro Red. 

When we had nothing but the orange peels and three cigarette butts sitting on the table between us, the old man stumbled inside. Despite there being just a light breeze and subtle tide, the old man steadied himself with one hand every step as he traversed into the depths of his abode. When he came back up, he plopped down a bottle of rum between the two of us and started slicing a lime with a knife that had probably cut through the gills of a thousand or so fish since the Reagan administration. 

My stomach turned a bit when I caught a glimpse of the rum. I don't drink in the mornings, I'm not a degenerate. The old man turned back downstairs again singing "yo ho yo ho, a pirate's life for me" as I looked around to plot my escape.

There was the motorboat the old man had taken out here which was tied up to the side of our ship. But again, I can't drive a boat and I can't learn on YouTube in the next 45 seconds. Swimming, not an option. Uber? Uber boat?? Worth a look. Open the app, no luck.

Lost in my thoughts again, I hadn't heard the old man speak to me. "Do you want to leave?" he asked again with palpable disappointment.

"No no...I don't know...I mean kind of yeah."

"No problem by me Junior. I'll fire up ole Sally," he said with manufactured enthusiasm while gesturing towards the motorboat. "Probably ain't my business. But whatcha gotta get goin' for?"

I thought about that for a minute. Nothing. There's nothing on my agenda, there's no one waiting for me at my hotel room. What do I have to get goin' for? "Nothing" I said. Then I picked up the rum glass that the old man had poured for me, squeezed a lime into it, and handed him his. "Whaddya say, Cheers Cap'n!" I clenched one eye shut hard and clanked glasses with the old man before tasting the sweet sting of Jolly Roger juice.

AwWWoooOoOooOOooooooooooo

3. To Have and Have Not

Call me a land-lover if you want (the old man did, a couple times), but two nights on a boat is enough for a city boy susceptible to a gnarly case of sea legs.

The old man dropped me off at his dock and left me with a warning. "The island can suck you in if you let it. Most run away from it. Others ride the wave." It was cheesy as anything I'd ever heard but it was also the only time I had heard the old man pronounce every letter in every word. And he was still hammered off rum.

I used my sea legs to trudge a mile and a half back to my hotel room, spitting out the taste of lime and fermented sugarcane off my tongue every block, until I could collapse into the chair sitting at the end of my bed. 

In a fit of intellectual inspiration, I grabbed the copy of Vonnegut's Slaughterhouse-Five that I had rented from my local library before flying down and opened to where I had left off. 

What the Englishman said about survival was this: "If you stop taking pride in your appearance, you will very soon die." He said that he had seen several men die in the following way: "They ceased to stand up straight, then ceased to shave or wash, then ceased to get out of bed, then ceased to talk, then died. There is this much to be said for it: It is evidently a very easy and painless way to go." So it goes.

I let out a small sigh, sniffed my armpit, and immediately winced at the stench. Body odor and booze found happiness together in my sweat glands and it was time to treat their marriage like Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries'.

A glance at my bathroom triggered a memory from my first night. After leaving Willie T's there was a hot dog stand sitting at the end of the block calling my name like an oasis in the smallest desert ever. A few beers must have had me feeling generous because I bought a hot dog for myself and a fellow leaning against a wall near the stand.

I guess I had a rougher night than I thought because he started letting me in on a few tricks and tips for surviving the island on a tight budget. The only one I remembered was his shower trick. 

He's scouted out the houses of snowbirds, figures out when they're not in town, and checks the outdoor showers for a free rinse. "Haven't paid more than $20 for a water bill since I moved here in '08." Then he pointed out a house down the street that he'd been using for the past week as we munched the last of our sausages and parted ways.

Seemed risky for a shower-hopping virgin who had a perfectly good indoor facility just 25 feet away. But 'ride the wave' or whatever that old drunkard had spouted. So I opened google maps, packed a backpack with a towel and some clothes, and assured myself I was invisible, I was human camouflage.

Quick shower. Super quick shower. Like the quickest shower. Shampoo, quick lather on my top half, let the soap run down my bottom half. No funny business. Spacious for an outdoor shower though. No time to take in the scenery.

I rifled through my bag and put my clothes on while half wet thinking there's no way this shower will take, I'm going to sweat the whole way home. The whole process from arrival to departure took 3 minutes in my mind which made me feel like 007. I slithered my way against the back wall to the side of the house, poked my little prairie dog head out just slightly, and deemed the front clear for exit.

What I had missed in my state of tunnel vision, though, was the next door neighbor pulling up in her golf cart wearing a Lilly Pulitzer dress that's been out of fashion for a decade. If she shouted anything at me, I don't know what it was. I didn't hear nothin'. I just started runnin' and sweatin' out the rest of the rum.

AWWWooooOOOooooOO

4. A Farewell to Arms

After a nap, another shower, and a smoke of something sour that I'd acquired from a bartender a few nights ago, I was ready to see what the Key had in store for my next adventure.

As I walked down Duvall feelin' a little funky, I let my next endeavor call out to me, reign me in, but each block felt longer than the next as I slowly strolled along past honeymooners, bachelor and bachelorette parties, elderly lovebirds, and young families. Nothin' reached out and pulled me in until the sweet sounds of Fire on the Mountain escaped a bar on the side street, weaved its way through the crowd of walkers, barreled through the noise of all the other live acts, nosedived directly into my eardrums, and led me to where I needed to be.

I followed that north star, hunkered down at the corner of the bar, ordered a brewski, and let the Grateful Dead cover band take the night away.

One beer. Two beers. Holy shit is that Richard Branson across the bar? Three beers. "Hey there man, anyone ever told you that you look just like Richard Branson?" Four beers, the fourth bought by a billionaire himself! Five beers. Never mind it's not him, just a snowbird who takes nature photos in his retired years. Six beers. That's still cool, though. "I actually took a photography class in high school. Yeah it was cool, yeah. But somehow I got a C-."

Seven beers. "Alright see ya later man, enjoy the rest of your stay." Eight beers. "Yeah I'm down here on vacation oh you're a local that's awesome every local I've met has been awesome I love it here." Nine beers. "Haha yeah a lot of the tourists just don't appreciate this place for it's real magic but I'm tryin'." Ten beers. "No way you work at the bar they filmed The Beach Bum at? I love that movie." Eleven beers. "Nahhh I'm never going back. I'm gonna be the Mooooondog" Twelve beers. "I'm staying here, for *burp* fuckin' ever."

AWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2025-26 Weisman Award: Preseason Power Rankings

 College Football is back in full swing this weekend which means it's time to finally release the frontrunners for this season's Weisman Award.

Named after the mythical bastard child between myself and John Heisman, may his soul rest in Rhinelander, Wisconsin peacefully, the Weisman Award is by no means handed out to college football's best player. Rather, the Weisman Award is an honor bestowed upon college football's most entertaining quarterback (the committee is currently reviewing a retroactive exception to honor Jabrill Peppers in some fashion).

Prior winners of the award are as follows:

2018: Dorian Thompson-Robinson (University of California, Los Angeles)
2019: Dorian Thompson-Robinson (UCLA)
2020: Dr. Anthony Fauci (Cornell)
2021: Dorian Thompson-Robinson (UCLA)
2022: Dorian Thompson-Robinson (UCLA)
2023: Taulia Tagovailoa (University of Maryland)
2024: Bryson Daily (United States Military Academy at West Point)

The voting committee follows no formula, there's no artificial intelligence consulted. The Weisman is determined by pure, unbrittled eye test.

That's why DTR is a four time winner. At times you could've watched UCLA and sworn that Vince Young had come back for one last year of eligibility with the sky blue and gold. Other times he didn't look quite as good which is about as bad a thing I'll ever say about a FOUR TIME, FOUR TIME, FOUR TIME Weisman Award Winner.

Thankfully Taulia Tagolaivoa had redshirted his freshman year in Tuscaloosa because he was finally able to break through and win a Weisman following back-to-back second place finishes. He took home the 2023 trophy by leading the Big Ten in passing yards, touchdowns, and interceptions. The Weisman Triple Crown.

And finally last year's winner, Second Lieutenant Bryson Daily of the U.S. Army rushed for more touchdowns than Ashton Jeanty (32 to 29) in one less game while also throwing for 1000+ yards and 9 scores. He should've been the Heisman Winner but he'll settle for a slightly less prestigious trophy.

(Editor's Note: The write-up on 2020's voting process was omitted.)

Without further ado, this year's leading candidates:

Others Receiving Votes: DJ Lagway (Florida), Darian Mensah (Duke), Avery Johnson (Kansas State), Dante Moore (Oregon)

Lagway has the ceiling of a Heisman winner and top 5 draft pick in 2027 but the basement of a Weisman Winner. Won 2 Natty's at Tulane with Mensah on PlayStation.

7. John Mateer (Oklahoma)

Johnny Jackpots wasn't on the committee's radar as of two weeks ago. The gunslinger who spent a few years up at Wazzu would've been a guy that played his way into consideration, but the Venmos got him a fixed spot at number 7 on this year's preseason power rankings.

6. Jalon Daniels (Kansas)

I've been watching Jalon Daniels for a lonnnng time. It's his sixth season at the helm for the Kansas Jayhawks after keeping his COVID year and having another shortened by injury. And despite that he's still only 22 years old which doesn't make sense to me. Jalon Daniels sounds a lot like Jayden Daniels which also plays a factor for sure. Jalon is sitting at a career 2:1 TD to INT rate (48 to 24) which makes every possession an adventure. Daniels threw a pair of touchdowns without an interception in Week 0 though which actually knocked him down from starting these rankings in the Top 5.

5. Bear Bachmeier (BYU)

A true freshman finding his way into the Top 5 of the preseason Weisman power rankings is UN-heard of, as it's the first time we've ever seen such a thing. But Bear shows nothing but promise. He's got a sick name and had enrolled at Stanford for spring ball before transferring to Provo to join his brother, TIGER. Cougars and Tiger and Bear, Oh My!!!! With Jake Retzlaff's departure, the starting QB job opened up in the Mormon mecca and Bear was there to pounce. He'll also wear number 47, electric.

4. E.J. Warner (Fresno State)

Yup, it's Kurt's kid. I'm sure he's heard that more times than opponents have caught his passes at the collegiate level. Which would be 39 times. E.J. started his college career in the gritty city up norf philly at Temple U, tossing over 40 touchdowns under the lights of Lincoln Financial Field while spinning two dozen INTs. His 37 career picks coming into the season led all active FBS quarterbacks and he threw 2 more without a score in Week 0 against Kansas which vaulted the younger Warner above Jalon Daniels in preseason Weisman rankings.

3. Matthew Sluka (James Madison)

If I'm being transparent, Matthew Sluka is probably overrated here in terms of pure entertainment value on the field. He's got over 100 career total touchdowns which might make him too good to be this high on the list this early. But he graduated high school, played a post-grad year at Central Jersey's Peddie School, played four years at Holy Cross from 2020-23, played three games at UNLV last season before dropping out with claims of illegitimate NIL payments to preserve his redshirt candidacy. But I can't find the guy's birthday anywhere. I'm under suspicion that the quarterback of the JMU Dukes is paying for his own insurance and is the only one on his team who can rent from Enterprise.

2. Mark Gronowoski (Iowa)

Mark Gronowski is freakin gooooooood. He transferred down to Iowa City from South Dakota State after winning a pair of Missouri Valley Conference OPOY, a pair of FCS National Championships, a pair of Championship Game MVPs, and the 2023 Walter Payton Award. Now he's trying to become Iowa's first QB to throw for 2000 yards in a season since 2019. I have a feeling that Gronowski might be too good for this list come year's end, but you never know what hides in those cornfields.

1. Micah Alejado (Hawai'i)

Micah Alejado isn't quite in the rarified air of Bear Bachmeier but, as a redshirt freshman, he's the youngest player to ever be the preseason favorite for the Weisman Award. Alejado kicked off his career on the Big Island with two starts at the end of last season and he closed out the campaign with a 469-yard, 5-touchdown performance in a 38-30 win over New Mexico showing promise of things to come. Alejado followed that up with a Week 0 win over Power 4 opponent Stanford last Saturday, throwing for 210 and a pair of scores. The difference between him and everyone else on this list? Zero career interceptions. That's inevitable to change but for now, it's the deciding factor to put the Honolulan Hurler in the Weisman driver's seat to start the season.

Danny Conrad From Barstool Sports Holds Doors Open For Old Ladies

 And is definitely NOT a virgin